1. Mistake yeast for milk residue.
2. Feel guilty when your son’s GI specialist points out that the white stuff is not milk residue.
3. Get a prescription for nystatin.
4. Pay $30 for a 2 week treatment.
5. Swab your baby’s mouth with nystatin for the first time in a day.
6. Throw away all but one contaminated pacifiers.
7. Realize the one pacifier you kept is the one your son DOES NOT LIKE.
8. Wash all bottles with hot water and soap.
9. Steam all bottles in the dish washer.
10. Sterilize a bottle in the microwave and prepare formula because you can’t breastfeed your son at the time.
11. Feed your son.
12. Try to shove the nystatin covered cotton swab into your son’s mouth because he has fallen asleep. And this is only treatment 2/4 for the day.
13. Look up ways to treat thrush.
14. Image search oral thrush.
16. Change your baby’s diaper and notice he has a rash.
17. Look up diaper rashes cause by thrush.
18. Feel so sorry for your poor son.
19. Read that apple cider vinegar has anti-fungal properties.
20. Text your boyfriend and ask him to bring home a BIG bottle of apple cider vinegar.
21. Sterilize a bottle.
22. Feed your baby.
23. Make him gag on a nystatin covered cotton swab.
24. Clean up his spit up.
25. Make sure his neck is nice and dry so he doesn’t get thrush on it.
26. Boil all bottles with apple cider vinegar.
27. Try to give your baby the pacifier he doesn’t like.
28. Hold him while he cries.
29. Change his diaper and wipe his bum with $15 organic baby wipes because even a wet cloth hurts his bum.
30. Sterilize another bottle.
31. Feed him again.
32. Give him nystatin treatment 4/4.
33. Feel amazed at how impenetrable his gummy mouth is.
34. Give your baby a bath because he is covered in spit up and sticky nystatin.
35. Shake your head as he poops all over his clean towel.
36. Wipe his poor bum.
37. Let his poor bum air out.
38. Dodge his pee.
39. Decide his poor bum has aired out long enough and put a diaper on that cannon.
40. Decide to breastfeed him because he isn’t thriving on the formula.
41. Sterilize your nipple shields for your nipples that aren’t long enough.
42. Breast feed him.
43. Examine your nipples and convince yourself you have a yeast infection.
44. Buy some acidophylus.
45. Accidentally take acidophylus without food.
46. Feel really sick all day.
48. Continue swabbing with nystatin (because that is what the Doc said to do) until a pharmacist tells you its more effective to give the nystatin in a syringe.
49. Thank pharmacist for the free syringe.
50. Thank goodness for good people.
51. Give your baby nystatin in a syringe four times a day.
52. Shake your head as he spits it out.
53. Watch the nystatin dwindle and his thrush not get any better.
54. Sterilize more bottles.
55. Buy a paci he likes.
56. Sterilize that paci multiple times a day.
58. Get baby face wipes to clean the sticky nystatin off his face.
59. Run out of nystatin.
60. Wonder what the fuck you’re supposed to do next.